aadambautistaa

Weak.

Some people say that our eyes is the gateway into our souls. I wonder if you looked everyones eyes, would you see something that you never really expected. Something that none of us wants to show, to let it be known that this monster exist and is corrupting our hopes, beliefs, and dreams in the darkness of our souls.

None of us wants others to know that we carry demons with us. We don’t want to look weak and have people feel sorry for us. We don’t want to burden anyone with our problems and feel responsible to fix what is so broken. But most of all, we don’t want to admit it to ourselves how defeated we feel in what seems like an endless war against life and love; a war that we seem to be losing so tragically.

So we keep it all in. We keep in every time it feels like life is dealing us another bad hand. We on masks of smiles and laughter whenever we feel flawed and misunderstood. We try to be courageous in those times we feel alone even when we are surrounded by many. We let this darkness, confusion, and feeling of being lost build up inside of us because we are so scared to admit that this monster lives in us, causing us to suffer. But the funny thing is, why we all hiding it if chances are we all feel this way?

As If It Was Yesterday.

I remember it as if it was yesterday. Being this kid who literally knew almost nothing about this world that I was about to aimlessly venture into. I had no idea what divorce was, to young to have experienced the aching pain of heartbreak, and didn’t wander off far enough yet to know the frustration and confusion of being lost in the vast maze that I would eventually enter. 

Can you remember it? Being to young to believe that you would drift away from as many friends as you have. Being too young to have to face death and feel sadness swell inside from understanding what it means to have a final goodbye with someone. Being so young that it just seemed like we would forever happy, never surrendering to the darkness and depressions that linger around us. 

It just seems like yesterday when we were just kids just waiting for our lives to begin, never really realizing the magnitude of the twists, turns, speed bumps, and surprises that we would encounter. And I miss it and I think that’s okay. Because remembering that feeling, knowing how unprepared we all were to face the world, it’s pretty amazing how even though we have all bruises and scars, we’re still alive. That though the world didn’t turn out like we thought it would yesterday, we are still standing here today, hoping that tomorrow will be better. And for all we know, it could be.